do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think a kid would responsible me up
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You are the jesus of drinking
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
