dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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