i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
