I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
