so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
