We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
