the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
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Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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