apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
