i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
