I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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