Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
