at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
