Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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