The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
