we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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