it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
