She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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