My room smells like vodka and shame
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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