I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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