so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
