Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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