i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
