I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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