fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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