went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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