so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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