im gay
i know
yea but for you.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
