She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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