I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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