Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize