she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There r osticjed everywhere
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
