first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
