So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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