I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
