Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
