Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
