This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
