Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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