good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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