u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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