i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
