Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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