I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
