whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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