I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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