Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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