I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
