I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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