It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
