He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
