hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
