Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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