im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
