I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
