Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
