I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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