Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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