To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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