just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
time to smoke my breakfast
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
