Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
