At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
