I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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