Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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