so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
