please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
