i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
