just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
