im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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