I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
