i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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