hotel room ftw
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
