so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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