i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"it" just moved
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
