it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
