i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
