I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Panties = found
Randomize
