3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
actually, I'm a sock model
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
