when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
