i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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