Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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