i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
