Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
