Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
