that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
